My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
