fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
