If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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