whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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