She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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