they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
