I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
