YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
