If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
