Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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