uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe