3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.