ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs