Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.