just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
