why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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