You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
