So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
