I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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