I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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