worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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