plz talk dirty to me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
