Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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