dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have post one night stand depression
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
