Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
