their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
