Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
