mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
