Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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