Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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