I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
