Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
