I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think your dad took our porno
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
