3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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