I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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