she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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