Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
