vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
