he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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