i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Rumble strips road head = magical
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
