He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
