I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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