Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
