I showed him my bush... on skype.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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