capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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