i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the liver wants what the liver wants
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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