We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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