Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
