I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
