I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize