...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
