I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
