He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
