I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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