We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
