why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
PANTIES FOUND
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
