All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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