I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
