Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
