i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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