jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
