also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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