The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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