I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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