i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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