guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
